Scorpions Book Club Founder TANAKA Speaks
Posted by El Spaniard on Mon, Dec 28, 2009 @ 11:22 AM
Most of us are now reading the next book - Inherent Vice by Thomas Pynchon. First off, the jackass who won our last challenge chose a hard cover, which should immediately be outlawed. It's like taking a dump in a dirty bar bathroom - it's a total pain in the ass, everything about it kind of sucks, but at the end you still enjoy the experience. Nevermind, it's actually not like that at all, so this book better be good.
Early review after 6.5 pages is not good. The cover is lame - some glossy picture of a surf shop that is far too cliché and drawn by some dork who smoked weed once, watched Surf's Up, and now thinks he knows what surfing and the 60's were all about. In the first 6 pages you also get introduced to about 97 different characters, all in some hazy 60's-speak-lingo, so I have absolutely no idea what is going on.
Worst part is some chick came in and I can't determine if she is wearing a bikini top with shorts, or a bikini bottom with a shirt. I can't get past this and it is affecting everything else I'm doing with my life. If nothing else, I need to have the images of these literary chicks straight in my head. I still dream about Sheeni from Youth in Revolt, even if that book blew. If the chick who plays her in the movie is not as hot as what I have dreamed up, she will be ruined forever.
That is the biggest issue I have with movies - the destruction of literary female fantasies. Imagine how hot Sandra Bullock could be in a book if someone described her but you never actually had to see her? Or Shaq? Or the hot chick with the tail from Geek Love. Not sure what I would actually do if I discovered a chick had a real tail while we were in the sack, but I'm pretty sure it would somehow involve me wearing a cowboy hat and chewing tobacco.
Either way, what the hell is this with this chick in Inherent Vice? I actually don't know her name either, I think it's either Shasta or Sanchez, but not sure since there are so many weird names being thrown around already.
Another issue I can't get past. It's like trying to go to Whackytown with a Readers Digest. At this point, I'm just hoping for a shark attack since I know there is surfing involved. Pretty much the savior of any/all books is include a shark attack in some way/shape/form. It's kind of like chanting U-S-A! U-S-A! during any argument - guaranteed winning shot that can't be beat. Next time you're in an argument, just say that whatever the person just said was un-American and start chanting U-S-A! Other people will pick up on the chant, and game over. Try it.
