Posted by SCORP #8 on Fri, Aug 27, 2010 @ 07:54 AM
Ever since you saw the segment on Last Call with Carson Daly or read the profile in Last Call’s newspaper equivalent to the North, the Toronto Globe & Mail, you have probably been wondering, “What do the Scorpions think of Naked Girls Reading?”
Wonder no more. The Scorps approve.*
The simplicity of the idea coupled with the important and positive message these women bring to the masses (and not just about literature and the arts, but about the soul of all mankind, we think) should be respected, supported, and applauded in every way.
*(We will be issuing an official press release to major media outlets "pledging our full support and encouragement to Naked Girls Reading" this afternoon. Look for the release on the newswire for details as to what Scorpion “support and encouragement” means, exactly.)
Posted by SCORP #8 on Mon, Aug 23, 2010 @ 08:17 AM
Penetrating literature often occurs when the author can develop characters and make them believable. For SCORPS, this means we ask, as readers, if we can picture having sex with a character as she is written on the page. Therefore, every week, we will highlight a few boner inducing literary characters for your stroke library in a feature we call Fictional Women I'd Like to Fuck.
To kick off the feature, we've listed a quick top ten list below. You’re Welcome.
1) Nancy Drew
2) Daisy Buchanan
3) Fermina Daza
4) Mary Jane “The Monkey” Reed
5) Maria aka Rabbit (For Whom the Bell Tolls)
6) Oprah
7) Julia (1984)
8) Arwen
9) Bambi
10) Molly Bloom (from behind)
Bonus:
Isles, while Rizzoli watches*
*It is unclear if any SCORP has actually read Tess Gerristsen’s work, but with all the hype of late with the TNT series coupled with the fact that the stories are set in Boston, we thought it worth a mention. The casting of the TV show seems to suggest that the detective and doctor title characters are written as attractive. And Wikipedia offers two interesting facts: Rizzoli’s nickname in High School was “Rollie Pollie Rizzoli” and Isles is “socially awkward” and “brutally honest.” These facts are typically strong indicators that a woman will try harder in the sack. Years of research bares this out.
Posted by SCORP #8 on Fri, Aug 20, 2010 @ 08:05 AM
Do you remember BOOGIE NIGHTS? You are going to need to re-watch it, but this time think of the SCORPIONS (that is, if you don’t already). Why? Because this cautionary tale of the American Dream gone bad amid sex and drugs depicted in the film basically sums up the last year of this book club.
You’ll remember that in the beginning of the movie Eddie Adams (Dirk Diggler) is just minding his own business, doing karate in his bedroom, and being awesome. But then, unasked by Eddie, porn director Jack Horner (played by the incomparable Burt Reynolds) "discovers" Eddie's massive shlong. And then all hell breaks lose. The next thing you know Eddie's banging the skate grease out of Heather Graham, driving a sweet Corvette, drinking margaritas and doing mounds of cocaine poolside. All pretty kick-ass until—sadly and after a series of unfortunate misunderstandings—the only work he can get is offering hand-shandies in a van to the highest bidder.
But why was he being punished for having a natural gift that the world can’t get enough of? That’s the question the viewer is forced to confront. And that’s exactly the question the SCORPIONS had to ask ourselves over the last twelve months.
You see, a little over a year ago the New Yorker was the Jack Horner to the SCORPIONS Eddie Adams. With THIS article, the SCORPs became the toast of the book club world. We had agents calling, we shot footage for a reality show, dined with publishers and even appeared in PLAYBOY, who heralded us as tastemakers for a generation….and this all before Christmas 2009…..Then—maybe inevitably, looking back—crazy shit started happening and things began to unravel. You'll never really know the half of it, but I can tell you that Shackleton bought a recording studio and spent way too much money cutting an album. And the Spaniard may or may not have bought a boat. And Tanaka spent a month in Budapest on “business.” And the Undead did some sexual tourism in Tokyo. And Slayer? Well, the last anyone heard from him he was in Montana staying one step ahead of several paternity suits.
All in all—like with Dirk Diggler and minus the van-shandies—SCORPIONS landed in a bad place simply because the world thought they were awesome.
You might have noticed this with the lack of updates here on the SCORPlog. Well, that’s all going to change today. Like Dirk Diggler, the SCORPs have taken a serious look in the mirror and now know what they need to do. We are stars. Big, bright, shining stars. Bright, shining stars that are the swingingest dick book club around.
Read. Bleed. Motherfuckers.
*Also, and aside from all that Boogie Nights business: for legal reasons concerning a GERMAN HEAVY METAL BAND we were not able to pursue several merchandising opportunities stateside that our agent thought might be huge. That will all change when the metal band plays their last US show on August 21. Finally. Check back next week and shop the SCORP store!
Posted by El Spaniard on Mon, Mar 15, 2010 @ 10:45 AM
Post by Undead
The year was 2001. The setting was a decrepit stadium in downtown Bangkok, filled with the smell of dried squid. It wasn't long into the Thailand-Lebannon game (a rivalry we really just don't hear enough about) that the ref made a questionable call against Thailand. Right on cue the air was filled with bottles, cans, shirts and the wooden sticks from the dried squid; pretty much anything you could get your hands on.
I quickly realized that it was just a coincidence that the first call against the Thai team was a questionable one - from then on, every call against Thailand was answered with a shower of trash from the crowd, including from us non-native supporters. When in Bangkok... well, there are a lot of ways to finish that sentence, but in the interest of this post: When in Bangkok, throw your loose change at the refs when everyone else throws their loose change at the refs.
The game ended in a Thailand win, eliminating Lebannon from the next stage of World Cup qualifying. But that wasn't enough for some Thai fans. They were out for blood. A small group jumped the banister to charge the field after the final whistle blew. This was no normal celebratory rushing of the field though, and the police knew it, wrangling most of the fans on the track surrounding the field. One fan slipped through the police line and had a 40 yard sprint to the nearest Lebanese player. As the fan approached at full speed, the player turned just in time to take a flying leg kick straight in the chest.
No inspirational act of violence is left unanswered, and half the Lebannon team surrounded the fan, knocked him to the ground and kicked him harder than they kicked anything during the game. They may not be a world class side, but the dozen professional players looked more than proficient trying to kick the fan's skull in.
The moral of the story is that this fan is being considered for honorary SCORP status, if he's still alive.
Stay tuned to hear our thoughts on
Among the Thugs by Bill Buford after we meet in late March to kick some heads in.
Posted by SCORP #8 on Sat, Feb 27, 2010 @ 09:08 AM
Maybe it's because the SCORPs are just coming off a discussion of some of the kinky-ass shit that goes on in Sweden as depicted in THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO but the Winter Olympic Games are-despite Bob Costas and his hair-getting high marks as SCORP-worthy entertainment. Nearly every event in the Olympics seems like it originated because two or three drunk Scandinavians with some serious sadomasochist tendencies decided to have a pissing contest in the snow or on a sheet of ice. Seriously-what do they drink in the great white north of Europe? The sports now seem-as trash was talked over generations, rules were refined, and American's got involved-that each challenge in Vancouver has become either dangerous, ridiculous or better done stoned (see Snowboarding). A simple toboggan ride now exceeds 90mph, keeping score in curling (basically shuffleboard on ice) is more complicated than Avril Lavigne's (Canadian) boyfriend, and the crashes in downhill and during speed skating were painfully spectacular. All and all, exactly the type of outcome all SCORPION challenges hope to achieve.
And of course, the Winter Olympics is also the home of the biathlon-the ultimate SCORP Olympic event. Skiing AND shooting a rifle? (Granted, if they added a drinking component every 50m and released a mountain lion to stalk competitors it would make things much better). Not only is the idea of the biathlon balls-to-the-wall, but it also lends itself to awesome low-budget power-chord accompanied videos on You Tube by Eastern Europeans and Americans alike. Enjoy a few samples Here and Here.
Oh, and one more thing: USA! USA! USA! USA!
Posted by El Spaniard on Sun, Feb 21, 2010 @ 07:33 PM
We've been (slowly) putting up some reviews of past books and meetings to share what it's like to be in the SCORPS with you civilians out there. The most recent two are for The Power and the Glory and Licensed to Kill. Check them out:
The Power and the Glory by The Judge
Licensed to Kill by the Spaniard
Posted by MC Trouble on Thu, Feb 18, 2010 @ 10:32 AM
What Makes a Great Book Club Meeting?
The SCORPS have been at it for two years now; we've had strong meetings and we've had a couple weak showings. This past week we had a subpar gathering - by SCORP standards - which got me thinking about what drives a good book club meeting.
Obviously the actual book selection is an important factor in a solid discussion. However, arguably the best SCORP-up to date followed our least sophisticated literary selection, MEG. And, to that point, the subject of this past week's lackluster meeting was The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, a whirlwind thriller with 590 action-packed pages to dissect.
The common theme that exists for our best sessions is that they were planned around some sort of event. And our poorest meetings (i.e., playing video lawn darts at arguably the lamest bar in town) have been thrown together last minute.
Our best assemblies, in my opinion, are as follows:
1. Location: Medieval Manor Book: MEG
This place advertised and delivered a cheesy theatrical performance, awful food (with no utensils), and endless pitchers of ale. The crowd is encouraged to get rowdy but no party reached the level of inappropriateness attained by the SCORPS. Inevitably an intra-table food fight broke out with vicious attacks occurring every time the lights were dimmed. The icing on the cake was a post-show, alleyway rumble that left the SCORP stamp on this venue.
2. Location: Manchester Firing Line Range Book: The Power and The Glory
Guns. Adrenaline. Guns. The interesting part about having a book club meeting at a firing range is that everyone is required to wear a headset, disallowing any verbal communication. Although we eventually discussed the book over a beer after the range, the conversation inevitably came back to the exhilaration of firing a semi-automatic firearm.
3. Location: Wonderland Greyhound Park Book: McMafia
The thrill of gambling on dogs combined with the hygiene of the track's patrons made for an entertaining evening. Although I don't believe any of us netted money, this was time well spent.
Whenever possible, SCORP-meets should involve some sort of event like a beer tasting, a casino, a rodeo, or strippers. This assures the energy level is high, the discussion is heated, and most importantly, the competition is fierce.
Posted by El Spaniard on Fri, Jan 22, 2010 @ 11:17 AM
Blog Post by SLAYER - Montana-based SCORP and all around tough guy
Being a true Scorp is somewhat like being a true Fu-Schnick; you may not know what it is but you definitely know it when you see it. Not too long ago I was having dinner at a little restaurant in Livingston, Montana when I noticed a picture on the wall of author Jim Harrison. Now, Harrison is a local and well-known eater so it wasn't that the picture was on the wall that caught my attention. No, it was the visage staring at me from the wall. There is no ignoring that unkempt mane, his weathered face and the stare that juxtaposes one piercing eye and one blind one. All of it reads Scorp.
Obviously you can't judge a book, or an author, by its cover, so that there has to be something more, a story behind that lived-in face. Am I right? I mean that bad eye. Harrison lost sight in it when a girl shoved a broken bottle in his face when he was seven-years-old. SEVEN! From there he, like all good Scorps, melded a blue collar upbringing in rural Michigan with the cerebral undertakings of being an English professor and writing poetry. With his 1978 publication of Legends of the Fall, a collection of three novellas including the title piece, Harrison came into his own. Not only did it bring him to the attention of the literary world at-large, but it also brought him a boat load of cash, thanks to the film rights of all three stories being snapped up by Hollywood . From there Harrison did what any self-respecting starving artist, or Scorp, would do - he blew his windfall on booze, coke and strippers. Can I get an Amen from the Congregation! After carousing with the likes Jack Nicholson and writing the severely disappointing screenplay for the Jack's film Wolf, Harrison thankfully ditched L.A. before his heart exploded. He headed back to Michigan and then to his current home in Montana 's Paradise Valley, where he hunts and fishes and eats that which he catches and kills. Somehow he fits in time to write.
And it is Harrison 's writing that defines him as a Scorpion par excellence. If you only know him from the movie adaption of Legends of the Fall, don't be dismayed. His characters are no pretty-boy Brad Pitts. They are rough and tough guys who have, in the words of author Barry Hannah (Geronimo Rex; High Lonesome), "savage grace." Because he comes from the Midwest and writes about guys that fish, hunt, fight, eat, drink, screw, wander, love nature and generally live on the edge of society, Harrison often gets compared to Hemingway, but the real men in Harrison's books are the characters who you always wish would who show up to beat up the wanna-be, Ivy League tough guys that Papa always wrote about.
More importantly, Harrison,unlike Ernie, loves women. I mean llllllllaaaaaaahhhhhhhhvvvvvvvvssssssss ‘em. I haven't read anything this side of Penthouse Forum that celebrates the female ass like Harrison 's work. For instance, in his recent novel The English Major, even the 60-year-old Cliff gets some from a younger woman ("...her panties drawn up fetchingly in her butt crack. This was a fanny that could start a war and I was felt blessed that I had use of it.") And the chicks aren't only there for fun. Harrison best novel, Dalva, has a woman title character that is every bit as tough as any of Harrison 's male character but still maintains a likability and femininity that Hemingway never developed in any of female leads. Women, men, dogs, birds. It doesn't matter. Whatever Harrison writes about comes to life.
So Harrison covers all the bases - looks, life, literary legacy - needed to give him the Scorp seal of approval. And if all this doesn't make you want to go out and read one of his books then, unlike Jim, maybe you aren't Scorp material.
(Harrison 's most recent collection of novellas The Farmer's Daughter was published in December.)
Posted by El Spaniard on Thu, Jan 14, 2010 @ 09:19 AM
While the rest of the Scorpions are battling with the shit-on-the-bottom-of-your-shoe mess of Inherent Vice I used some holiday cash to stock up the bookshelf with some new reads that I thought I'd share with our loyal reader base (of 4 people):
Mason & Dixon by Thomas Pynchon - Epic fiction around the lives of the guys who lined the border between PA and MD and a handful of other states. Actually bought this one in tandem with Inherent Vice, but haven't got into it too much. Pynchon wrote this one in 18th century dialect before venturing into stoner speak for IV. Almost 800 pages so going to be a long one. Compare it to Shantaram which I've been reading for like 3 years off and on.
Suffer in Silence by David Reid - Fiction set around Navy SEAL BUD/s and Hell Week.
The Road by Cormac McCarthy - Everyone and their mother is reading this but I liked No Country and Blood Meridian so finally going to take this down.
American Lion: Andrew Jackson in the White House by Jon Meacham - I'm one of the few SCORPS who reads non-fiction more than fiction. Heard good things about this one and he's tougher than any other President we'll see again.
The Prize: The Epic Quest for Oil, Money and Power by Dan Yergin - Geopolitical nonfiction about the most important element of the global economy written by an energy consultant with deep industry ties
The Sun Also Rises, Hemingway - Been wanting to read more of his since Have or Have Not
Homage to Catalonia by George Orwell - Orwell went to Spain to cover the civil war and instead ended up joining the fight against the Facists. Would Dan Brown do that?
Posted by MC Trouble on Wed, Jan 13, 2010 @ 08:30 AM
After 120 pages of Thomas Pynchon's book, Inherent Vice, I am completely underwhelmed. To be honest, I don't think I can possibly make it any further. In my estimation, this is the worst book the Scorps have selected to date - worse than McMafia and worse than Youth In Revolt. Here are a couple of reasons why this book failed to capture me:
1. The main character is a loser: Doc is such a f'n tool. If I'm going to get excited about a book I need to be rooting for a badass. Right from the start Doc came across as a waste of space. I like the whole stoner detective thing but so far he is getting owned by everyone he interacts with.
2. Too many characters to remember: Like all (Editor's Note: just him) Scorps, I drink and watch TV while I read. Thus, I don't have the memory space for all these stupid characters (Editor's Note: The rest of us may). Normally, upon confusion, I would go back and re-read to remember a name. There are so many people in this book that I can't even tell you who was murdered or who has disappeared.
3. Lame portrayal of the sixties: Starting with the cover art, this book tries too hard. I'm sure it's difficult to write sixties fiction without being overly cliché, but I just couldn't accept this attempt. What put me over the edge was when the entire Wavos coffee shop shouted "wipeout" in unison.
Because of the above, I have not been properly engaged by this book and now I have no clue what is going on.
What do others think? Is anyone going to finish this?
- MC TROUBLE
________________________________________________
UPDATE
THE SPANIARD AND SCORP #8 have both finished Inherent Vice but it was definitely a losing battle. The ending somehow managed to tie everything together with some gratuitous sex scenes, but there were so many different plot threads it barely made any sense. I also picked up Pynchon's book Mason Dixon and am willing to give him another try in a couple months after my brain recovers from this. Groovy.